And All This Because??

Ah, the plastic fork. An invention that literally changed the world of culinary utensils. It's sturdy, re-usable, disposal, plastic white structure is the perfect tool to aid in your daily consumption of fruits, veggies, and other nourishments. Needless to say, it was a tool worthy of inventing.
But- since when did they become useful in the home and garden area?
Who needs plastic flamingoes or ugly garden gnomes when we have plastic forks?? So imagine my surprise when I woke up to find 100 of them in my yard! Thank you, magical lawn fairy! Also, imagine my reaction when I had to wake up at 8:39 after staying up past 1 to clean them all up? It was a great morning :)

Flour is something we use everyday, seriously. It's in everything; bread, bagels, cookies, pizza! We basically couldn't live comfortably without it! So guess what, much like the plastic fork, your standard cooking flour now makes a great welcome mat for your home! Observe... The light-weight, fluffy white powder makes for a great "Welcome Home!" to any family or pet!

Until you have to go outside in your pajamas and spray it off with a hose. Until the hose doesn't really do much and your whole driveway is basically stained and crusted in the dried white ooze. Until your previously-comfortable and dry pajama pants are soaked and crusted at the bottom in a standard baking ingredient, turned new foe.

So, thank you, "anonymous" prankers. Sunday morning was a real treat ;)

NOT. All I have to say is that if you're reading this- brace yourselves for extreme payback.

P.S.- the string going everywhere was a classy touch. ;)

Some Things Just Don't Go Together.

And today proves that. I was totally disgusted today because I noticed extremely odd things everywhere I went.
For one- when I logged on to check my dead-beat myspace, they had an advertisement for the new disney movie coming out, "The Sorcerer's Apprentice." I was thinking "how freakin' cool!" but then something caught my eye. And not in a good kind of way. It was the sorcerer.... and he is being played by Nicholas Cage.
CAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN THAT TO ME?
how in any way, shape, or form does Nicholas Cage fit the role of a sorcerer. He's supposed to play the mid-life crisis, half balding, ugly guy whose eyes are all squinty and one shuts slower than the other! How could disney let him play something so insanely awesome as a sorcerer? I was honestly considering writing a letter of my hatred to Walt Disney himself, but I don't think his frozen corpse would have a skill for reading.
But seriously- look at this.

What the bloody heck is he wearing?! That does not look like a sorcerer at all! Laaaame. All I have to say is that Captain Jack Sparrow called, he wants his outfit back.

To add to the hilarious effect of this picture, let's create some dialouge, shall we?

"Quick Sir! Before it's too late! We need to collect as much energy for the orb as possible, or all is lost to misery and endless woe!"

"Don't worry Albert, I have this under control. I once discovered the hidden treasures left behind my America's forefathers, and then I sold my soul to the devil to become a flesh-less biker! All is saved!"

I don't think so, Nicholas Cage. You're meant to play all your crappy past characters, NOT a coooooolbeans sorcerer. Try again. Plus, you bring mini-dreadlocks to shame.

There are just some things that just go really well together. PB &J? Yes. Chips & Salsa? Yes. Peas & Carrots? Yes. Addie & Paul McCartney? DUH. But Nicholas Cage and amazing sorcery skills? You've got to be kidding.

Nice try, Nick. Nice try.

Why I Hate Biology.

Hoooooray for finally making a blog! though I'm almost certain that nobody will be reading this ever, and I have no idea what to write about, I've always wanted to make one of these just for the heck of it!
My brother said that a blog is supposed to be like an "online diary that you tell all your secrets to and complain about your day." But do I want you, nonexistent readers, to know my secrets? Not really. So I would like to introduce you to the most boring blog you'll ever read. Ta da! But seriously, I will try my best to make this interesting.
I don't know how many of you have done disections before, but it is disgusting. My biology teacher is totally off her bolt, and we have brutually mutated the corpses of nearly every creature she could get her hands on...earthworms, fish, frogs, and squid. Let's just say- I'm not a fan. Especially not when it comes to the squid. And yesterday was the definition of why.

Look for yourself. Do you notice anything unusually horrifying about this picture? I'll give you a hint- that purple stuff coming out of the left side? Yeah, that's BLOOD. and that little circular thing lying in the middle of it? That's its eyeball. Oh- and if you'll notice the other small circular thing that looks like a tooth on the right side of the picture away from the squid? That's it's BRAIN. Was the brain supposed to come out during the disection? NO.
Here's how it went down. The directions cleary stated "locate and pry open the beak. Notice the tongue-like radula." So me and my partner pry open the beak and "notice" the radula. We're instructed to tug gently on the beak. Well we do this and guess what pops out! The poor squid's freakin brain.
If that wasn't enough torture- we were later instructed to cut out the eyeball and cut it in HALF for no purpose whatsoever! As we were doing this I was looking around the room and everyone was laughing as the poked at the eyeball and ooze came out. Laughing at it! eeew.
The whole room turned to hell. As the blood gushed from the squid's eye- I began to notice the horrible smell drifting around the room. It was like the smell of the ocean laced with a hint of pure mutilation. My favorite.
If all of this wasn't enough, our teacher fried up some tentacles in the back of the room and kids in the class were popping in the greasy suckers like it was KFC. I took one bite and gagged. Don't get me wrong- I love all food, but this tasted like straight crap, and no matter how many times I brushed my teeth that night, I could taste it clear until this morning.
Tomorrow should be fun- we're disecting fish. Yippe freakin' ki yay. I HATE biology.